The fine line

I once heard someone say that there was a fine line dividing those who suffer from mental health problems and those who don’t. At the time I agreed with the statement but to be completely honest, I don’t think I understood the full extent of what I had just agreed to.

Fast forward about five years from then, I find myself in college, unhappy and feeling like I’m carrying the weight of the whole world on my shoulders. I always used to think that metaphor was so unrealistic….how could anyone carry the weight of the world on their shoulders. But there I was, completely drained mentally and physically feeling like there was a massive weight bringing me down. Looking back now its even hard to remember what it was like. I often wonder how I survived and got through but I did and I’m still here. Suffering from anxiety isn’t exactly a walk in the park. I allowed myself to get so bad I was beginning to spiral into depression but thankfully I realised I had a problem. As much as it sounds like a cliché, I realised that its alright not to feel okay. I sought help. It’s a harsh reality when the doctor prescribes you anti depressants. It made me experience a whole variety of emotions. I almost felt hard done by wondering why something like this had happened to me. I always thought I was so balanced and together. Clearly not.

After much reflection on the whole issue, and believe me there was a LOT, I realised that this can happen to anyone. I now finally understood that fine line I mentioned. I now truly understood that it a very fine line. But that’s ok. This whole experience has been very difficult but it has certainly made me stronger. I’ve had to chance and adjust to help myself. I started exercising more and discovered my love for the gym. Not only did it make me feel great, I began to look great and my confidence grew.

I was very lucky to have amazing support from my very understanding other half. Without him I probably would have crumbled at some point throughout this whole experience.

Fast forward a year later and I’m doing great. Not every day is wonderful but this has taught me to deal with bad days when they come along.

For anyone out there who is struggling I cannot stress how important it is to do something to help yourself. You may feel down and defeated, but believe me, you’ll surprise yourself with the strength you have.

I’ll leave you with this quote I found when I was having one of my darker days:

“Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.”

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